Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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