I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
