i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
