Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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