OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
