I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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