its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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