I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
soo... how was my night?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
