Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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