how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
