just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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