i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
