Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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