i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
