Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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