ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
