he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
