He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
everyone is single if you try hard enough
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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