I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
