Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
