she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
