How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Small penises have feelings too.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
