yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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