I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
And then he peed in my hair
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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