I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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