I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
