if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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