I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
