ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
