gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
