Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
