The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
