Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
