Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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