trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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