There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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