dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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