I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
