Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
