oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
