My friends, they love my intelligence
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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