Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Where is the hickey?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
