I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
