i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
