the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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