Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
