So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
