I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
