he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
high people should be assigned attendants
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
