i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
