I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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